Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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