walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
