HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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