Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
