i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
