Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
