Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
