This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
