My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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