There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Ketchup is God's man juice
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
