Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
