I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
