I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We just shotgunned beers for America
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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