So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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