conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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