Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
someone owes me an orgasm
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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