Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
