i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
