if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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