Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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