she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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