The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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