dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
