3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
