My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
