well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
