Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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