I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
