I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
