Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
