yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
