this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
