just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
