i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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