Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
