I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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