if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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