Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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