I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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