If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
