My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
