I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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