my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
