I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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