this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm too high and old for this...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
