dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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