Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
