like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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