do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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