did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
